Questions And Answers On Home Garden Design Show
Graham asks…
Fiancee’s father is trying to run our new house with projects, how can I tell him to stop? He’s also my boss?
Big dilemma here and I don’t know how to handle it.
This is my first home. Obviously, I’m not going to know how to do everything and will need help. I understand that part.
However, my fiancee’s father has taken it upon himself to invite him self over (more like barge in) and basically expect me to drop everything I’m doing to do whatever HE wants to do on MY house.
He’s designing parts of the garden, putting up shelving, etc.
It’s hard for me to say “no” because he’s my boss at work. Basically I talk to the man the majority of the day during work…and end up being stuck with him after work too. I see him more than I see his daughter. I honestly need a break from him. Not only that, but I don’t want him designing my house. He’s not the type of guy who you can easily say no to either.
The problem is, my fiancee is not in my corner. She said she’s glad her dad is showing up because he’s owned a house for 40 years and knows everything. I said I understand that, but I want to design things my way. Naturally, her response is “what do you want to design differently?” I don’t really have an answer because I haven’t really had time to think…as all of these home projects are being force fed.
Last week…I was so ticked off that he invited himself over that I left my house and made up something that I had to do. Basically saying listen…show up at my house if you must, but I’m not going to be here all the time.
I think it’s my fiancee’s responsibility to tell him to stop, not mine.
And please don’t say “maybe you should think twice about marrying this girl if she doesn’t agree with you,” because the house is already bought.
Her dad has always been the man of the house where she grew up…and she’s having a hard time letting go of the fact that he’s not the man of this house.
What do I do?
Home Gardener answers:
Do a search here on Yahoo Answers for interfering mother-in-law and just apply the answers to your father-in-law.
You will get tons and tons of advice.
I know probably a little sarcastic here but it amazes me when it come to the wife’s family doing the same thing the answers are few or so sweet as to what to do.
Talk about double standards.
Jemima asks…
The beer scooter!!?
beer scooter
Haha this made me laff today i was chatting to a mate about my plans for fri being my birthday.. and i was like “how the hell we going get home from the club” and he sent me this lol
probably on a beer scooter
How many times have you woken up in the morning after a hard night of drinking and thought ‘How did I get home?’ As hard as you try, you cannot piece together your return journey from the bar to your home.
The answer to this puzzle is that you used a beer scooter. The beer scooter is a mythical form of transport, owned and leased out to drunks (without their knowledge) by Bacchus, the Roman god of wine. Bacchus has branched out since the decrease in the worship of the Roman pantheon and bought a large batch of these magical devices.
The beer scooter works in the following fashion:
The passenger reaches a certain level of drunkenness and the ‘slurring gland’ begins to give off a pheromone. Bacchus or one of his many sub-contractors detects the pheromone and sends down a winged beer scooter.
The scooter scoops up the passenger and deposits them in their bedroom via a trans-dimensional portal. It is not cheap to run a beer scooter franchise, so a large portion of the passenger’s in-pocket cash is taken as payment. This generates the second question after a night out ‘How did I spend so much money?’
Beer scooters have a poor safety record and are thought to be responsible for 90% of all UDI (Unidentified Drinking Injuries). An undocumented feature of the beer scooter is the destruction of time segments during the trip. The nature of trans-dimensional portals dictates that time will be lost, seemingly unaccounted for. This generates the third question after a night out ‘What happened?’
With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the EMIT (Embarrassing Moments In Time) add on, that automatically removes in descending order, those parts in time regretted most. Unfortunately one person’s EMIT is not necessarily the EMIT of another and quite often lost time is regained over a suitable period.
Independent studies have also shown that beer goggles cause the scooter’s navigation system to malfunction thus sending the passenger to the wrong bedroom often with horrific consequences. With recent models including a GPS, Bacchus made an investment in a scooter drive-thru chain specialising in half eaten kebabs and pizza crusts. Another question answered!
For the family man, beer scooters come equipped with flowers picked from other people’s garden and Thump-A-Lot Boots. These boots are designed in such a way that no matter how quietly you tip-toe, you are sure to wake up your other half. Special anti-gravity springs ensure that you bump into every wall and the CTSGS (Coffee Table Seeking Guidance System) explains the ring marked shins.
Most useful of all is the on-board heater which allows you to get home from the bar in sub-zero temperatures wearing just a T-shirt. The final add-on Bacchus saw fit to invest in for some scooters is TAS (Tobacco Absorption System). This explains how one person can apparently get through 60 Marlboro Lights in a single night.
Home Gardener answers:
Best I’ve heard all week! But u forgot to mention the beer scooter’s amazing ability to leave horrendously embarrassing voicemails on your bosses/ex’s/mother-in law’s phone. Not to mention the 2am mispelt texts telling ur entire phonebook how much u really really really love them!!!
David asks…
How do I keep peace with my family, while not wanting religion being pushed into my personal life?
Im about to have a my first baby but I am having a growing fear that my dad is going to push his religious believes into my life again just bc im having his first grandchild. hes not just religious, hes SUPER religious. He even has an extreme diet to “be more like jesus” which has lead him into manorexia (and has effected my brother and i as well)…believe me i wish i was lying.
its so bad that he talks about eating grass for a better diet. not wheat grass. im talking about grass that grows on the side of the road…yeah.
all my life, he wanted my brother and I to work on his “holy” farm, so when I planned to make something of myself- he stood in the way of me going to college bc “girls dont belong in school bc they should have babies instead and be at home“. Dont worry he did the same with my brother “bc who was going to plow his fields for his garden of eden” no joke. he saved hardly money for us and never supported our dreams- not even verbally. As a matter of fact, we both (including our mom) lived in neglect bc he would give all the money to the church or save it for his retirement. he backed down about getting in the way for a while and all was well. my brother escaped to NY city where he cant be bothered by our father’s random unplanned visits and I became a full time student learning what I loved to do- Graphic Design. Only recently, My dad has been able to barge into my life again due to my unborn child and say & do what he pleases. In the beginning of the pregnancy I was afraid of losing my dreams of becoming a Graphic Designer, so I thought of abortion as being a choice. I simply wanted to get information about the procedure to know what i was getting into and know what I was about to do. well he decided to show up (without asking) at the center, guilt trip me, and feed me a bunch of promises that he would help out and there were ways. Well through out my WHOLE pregnancy hes hardly called, only helped me 4 times with bringing home heavy groceries (when im single& dont have a car), he told me that my child should live a hard life to become more “humble”, and reminding me every time he saw me that I was fat (which I only gained a tummy and nothing else during this whole pregnancy) and that folic acid is bad for the baby. BASICALLY all his advice was stupid. just stupid and religious. things like: “your only 6 months pregnant, you should be able to do sit ups…” AND HE WAS SERIOUS. my goodness. Even when I needed him to cosign for an apartment that didnt have lead paint problems. The day that I was to move in, he decided not to sign the lease. His reasons were that the pope was going to take over the world and that the economy will only get worse. Honestly, it was him basically saying “ I dont want to risk anything with my retirement money” and he tried to get me to get a different place that was WAY too far away and I’ve already said no to. now Im 9 months preggo and any day the kid will come. Hes assumed that he should be the first to be called, to hold my baby, and probably be the first to bless him…yeah no. I actually would rather that he’d be called last simply because hes failed to understand pregnancy for 9 months and how the pregnant body works. hes failed at helping me when I needed him the most and still only do least amount when hes made to do it. hes failed to understand that I have a life of my own and that expecting me to be home all the time, then giving me guilt trips when i am not there for his unplanned visits. And if hes there, he is going to annoy me with the useless crap that spews out from his ignorant mouth and then ill want to throw him out of the hospital (bc im going to try to do a natural birth, so my patience WILL be thin). HOW DO I WIN AT FAMILY POLITICS especially when hes my father, the eldest of all aunts and uncles?? How do I make sure his religion doesn’t get a chance to effect my child’s life??? How do I tell him to back off nicely or to respect my wishes? How do i keep him from jumping in whenever he feels like it? HOW?!?! Ive tried being nice and he didnt take me serious, then i tried being more assertive and clear and all that did was make him feel like i didn’t appreciate him. I feel like i cant win. please someone help me. I love my dad, but his religion has taken away the father i thought i knew a looooooong time ago. hes not my dad anymore. hes now a puppet.
p.s. his church made me a baby gift bag. its sweet of them, but I really dont want to except anything from them. i mean anything. I have a feeling that if i except it then my dad will have an excuse to try to bless my kid. I would rather die a million deaths then to have my dad’s church dunk my kid in cold water and say that he’s “saved from the grips of satan” when the only thing in my life that has made it hard to live was religion itself.
Home Gardener answers:
Just tell him that you don’t believe in what he believes and that you are the child’s parent and you do not want the child exposed to any religious rhetoric from him. Therefore, if he wants any part in the child’s life he must respect your wishes and refrain from any attempts to religiously influence the child’s life. Tell him the first time it happens, he will never see his grandchild again.
John asks…
How do I keep peace with my family, while not wanting religion being pushed into my personal life?
Im about to have a my first baby but I am having a growing fear that my dad is going to push his religious believes into my life again just bc im having his first grandchild. hes not just religious, hes SUPER religious. He even has an extreme diet to “be more like jesus” which has lead him into manorexia (and has effected my brother and i as well)…believe me i wish i was lying.
its so bad that he talks about eating grass for a better diet. not wheat grass. im talking about grass that grows on the side of the road…yeah.
all my life, he wanted my brother and I to work on his “holy” farm, so when I planned to make something of myself- he stood in the way of me going to college bc “girls dont belong in school bc they should have babies instead and be at home“. Dont worry he did the same with my brother “bc who was going to plow his fields for his garden of eden” no joke. he saved hardly money for us and never supported our dreams- not even verbally. As a matter of fact, we both (including our mom) lived in neglect bc he would give all the money to the church or save it for his retirement. he backed down about getting in the way for a while and all was well. my brother escaped to NY city where he cant be bothered by our father’s random unplanned visits and I became a full time student learning what I loved to do- Graphic Design. Only recently, My dad has been able to barge into my life again due to my unborn child and say & do what he pleases. In the beginning of the pregnancy I was afraid of losing my dreams of becoming a Graphic Designer, so I thought of abortion as being a choice. I simply wanted to get information about the procedure to know what i was getting into and know what I was about to do. well he decided to show up (without asking) at the center, guilt trip me, and feed me a bunch of promises that he would help out and there were ways. Well through out my WHOLE pregnancy hes hardly called, only helped me 4 times with bringing home heavy groceries (when im single& dont have a car), he told me that my child should live a hard life to become more “humble”, and reminding me every time he saw me that I was fat (which I only gained a tummy and nothing else during this whole pregnancy) and that folic acid is bad for the baby. BASICALLY all his advice was stupid. just stupid and religious. things like: “your only 6 months pregnant, you should be able to do sit ups…” AND HE WAS SERIOUS. my goodness. Even when I needed him to cosign for an apartment that didnt have lead paint problems. The day that I was to move in, he decided not to sign the lease. His reasons were that the pope was going to take over the world and that the economy will only get worse. Honestly, it was him basically saying “ I dont want to risk anything with my retirement money” and he tried to get me to get a different place that was WAY too far away and I’ve already said no to. now Im 9 months preggo and any day the kid will come. Hes assumed that he should be the first to be called, to hold my baby, and probably be the first to bless him…yeah no. I actually would rather that he’d be called last simply because hes failed to understand pregnancy for 9 months and how the pregnant body works. hes failed at helping me when I needed him the most and still only do least amount when hes made to do it. hes failed to understand that I have a life of my own and that expecting me to be home all the time, then giving me guilt trips when i am not there for his unplanned visits. And if hes there, he is going to annoy me with the useless crap that spews out from his ignorant mouth and then ill want to throw him out of the hospital (bc im going to try to do a natural birth, so my patience WILL be thin). HOW DO I WIN AT FAMILY POLITICS especially when hes my father, the eldest of all aunts and uncles?? How do I make sure his religion doesn’t get a chance to effect my child’s life??? How do I tell him to back off nicely or to respect my wishes? How do i keep him from jumping in whenever he feels like it? HOW?!?! Ive tried being nice and he didnt take me serious, then i tried being more assertive and clear and all that did was make him feel like i didn’t appreciate him. I feel like i cant win. please someone help me. I love my dad, but his religion has taken away the father i thought i knew a looooooong time ago. hes not my dad anymore. hes now a puppet.
p.s. his church made me a baby gift bag. its sweet of them, but I really dont want to except anything from them. i mean anything. I have a feeling that if i except it then my dad will have an excuse to try to bless my kid. I would rather die a million deaths then to have my dad’s church dunk my kid in cold water and say that he’s “saved from the grips of satan” when the only thing in my life that has made it hard to live was religion itself.
Home Gardener answers:
You have tried being nice ..your have tried being assertive ….these are not working , so there is no easy way to handle this situation . Until you except there is no easy way , then sadly you will be dealing with this situation for the rest of your life . This is your baby , you have a responsibility to protect your child from anything you believe to be harmful ….so you have to do this at any cost or and the expense of someones feelings . I also suggest …if you don’t want to have anything to do with this church , then do not accept anything from them …even if they are being nice . If you accept anything from them , you are opening the door to unwanted visits / attention / pressure / from them . Start of as you intend to end up .
Nancy asks…
How do I keep peace with my family, while not wanting religion being pushed into my personal life?
Im about to have a my first baby but I am having a growing fear that my dad is going to push his religious believes into my life again just bc im having his first grandchild. hes not just religious, hes SUPER religious. He even has an extreme diet to “be more like jesus” which has lead him into manorexia (and has effected my brother and i as well)…believe me i wish i was lying.
its so bad that he talks about eating grass for a better diet. not wheat grass. im talking about grass that grows on the side of the road…yeah.
all my life, he wanted my brother and I to work on his “holy” farm, so when I planned to make something of myself- he stood in the way of me going to college bc “girls dont belong in school bc they should have babies instead and be at home“. Dont worry he did the same with my brother “bc who was going to plow his fields for his garden of eden” no joke. he saved hardly money for us and never supported our dreams- not even verbally. As a matter of fact, we both (including our mom) lived in neglect bc he would give all the money to the church or save it for his retirement. he backed down about getting in the way for a while and all was well. my brother escaped to NY city where he cant be bothered by our father’s random unplanned visits and I became a full time student learning what I loved to do- Graphic Design. Only recently, My dad has been able to barge into my life again due to my unborn child and say & do what he pleases. In the beginning of the pregnancy I was afraid of losing my dreams of becoming a Graphic Designer, so I thought of abortion as being a choice. I simply wanted to get information about the procedure to know what i was getting into and know what I was about to do. well he decided to show up (without asking) at the center, guilt trip me, and feed me a bunch of promises that he would help out and there were ways. Well through out my WHOLE pregnancy hes hardly called, only helped me 4 times with bringing home heavy groceries (when im single& dont have a car), he told me that my child should live a hard life to become more “humble”, and reminding me every time he saw me that I was fat (which I only gained a tummy and nothing else during this whole pregnancy) and that folic acid is bad for the baby. BASICALLY all his advice was stupid. just stupid and religious. things like: “your only 6 months pregnant, you should be able to do sit ups…” AND HE WAS SERIOUS. my goodness. Even when I needed him to cosign for an apartment that didnt have lead paint problems. The day that I was to move in, he decided not to sign the lease. His reasons were that the pope was going to take over the world and that the economy will only get worse. Honestly, it was him basically saying “ I dont want to risk anything with my retirement money” and he tried to get me to get a different place that was WAY too far away and I’ve already said no to. now Im 9 months preggo and any day the kid will come. Hes assumed that he should be the first to be called, to hold my baby, and probably be the first to bless him…yeah no. I actually would rather that he’d be called last simply because hes failed to understand pregnancy for 9 months and how the pregnant body works. hes failed at helping me when I needed him the most and still only do least amount when hes made to do it. hes failed to understand that I have a life of my own and that expecting me to be home all the time, then giving me guilt trips when i am not there for his unplanned visits. And if hes there, he is going to annoy me with the useless crap that spews out from his ignorant mouth and then ill want to throw him out of the hospital (bc im going to try to do a natural birth, so my patience WILL be thin). HOW DO I WIN AT FAMILY POLITICS especially when hes my father, the eldest of all aunts and uncles?? How do I make sure his religion doesn’t get a chance to effect my child’s life??? How do I tell him to back off nicely or to respect my wishes? How do i keep him from jumping in whenever he feels like it? HOW?!?! Ive tried being nice and he didnt take me serious, then i tried being more assertive and clear and all that did was make him feel like i didn’t appreciate him. I feel like i cant win. please someone help me. I love my dad, but his religion has taken away the father i thought i knew a looooooong time ago. hes not my dad anymore. hes now a puppet.
p.s. his church made me a baby gift bag. its sweet of them, but I really dont want to except anything from them. i mean anything. I have a feeling that if i except it then my dad will have an excuse to try to bless my kid. I would rather die a million deaths then to have my dad’s church dunk my kid in cold water and say that he’s “saved from the grips of satan” when the only thing in my life that has made it hard to live was religion itself.
Home Gardener answers:
Poor you! I think you can’t win in this situation. Your dad sounds brainwashed. If I were you I’d do it like your brother and I’d get some distance between you and your dad. On the one hand it would give you a bit of peace because I suspect it will only get worse once the baby is there…it usually does and on the other hand it may give your dad something to think about. Then you can get in touch with letter writing because that is the best way to say the things you really want to say.
I wish you the best of luck with your baby and I think it is fantastic that despite of everything your brother and you pursue your dreams.
Powered by Yahoo! Answers